Rather than addressing issues head-on, someone may use some form of infidelity as the solution to their dilemma.Īt times, it's about an addiction and, at times, it can even be a situational mistake where someone does something careless in the moment and then feels trapped and unable to disentangle themselves. At times, it's a maladaptive response to problems in the marriage. The complexity lies in the multitude of factors driving that choice for the cheating spouse.įor some, the infidelity is caused by unhealed and unresolved baggage brought into the marriage. There are as many reasons why as there are stars in the sky. A lifetime can be spent searching for the why. There's no way to determine the why right now. What does the other person have that I don't? If you're what they really want, then they'll go the distance and give you the necessary space to heal. Time, expert help, and proper reconciliatory efforts are the only commodities which can reveal the truth. You see, believing that means they should or will feel compelled to consider re-entering the relationship, which is a very big leap emotionally. It may be painful to believe that their mate really does care about them. The larger issue is usually for the hurt spouse. A tragic yet poignant aspect of these situations is how they actually reveal to the unfaithful mate what they really wanted all along. I firmly believe lives can be healed, but many times, at the beginning, convincing the parties that their lives can be restored is the bigger challenge.įor the hurt spouse, the question to the cheating spouse remains, "How could you if you really cared about me?" The fact is that caring has little or nothing to do with what they've done. Loyalty bonds have been broken, hearts crushed, vows shattered. In the moment of truth, when the mistake is discovered, it can seem like it's too late. And while infidelity is horrible and gut wrenching, it is certainly something that people can get into and then discover it's not what they really wanted.Īll too frequently, we follow our emotions, falsely believing we want something, only to discover once we have it that it's not what we want at all. How often have you done something you didn't want to do? It happens all the time. How could they do that and, at the same time, still love me and want to be with me?įor starters, a key principle in life-and certainly in understanding infidelity-is the concept that behavior does not equal motive. ![]() For more help though, please visit our free resources. I'll do my best to speak to the issues in a concise and pointed manner. I'll take a shot at trying to answer some of the questions below, but keep in mind the limited space here doesn't allow for exhaustive answers. How does a betrayer or a cheating spouse think? (i.e.Did he or she ever really love me to begin with?.Why do men cheat or why do women cheat and then seemingly have no conscience about it?.Why would they risk their married life here with me for cheap passion with someone who is so messed up and trashy? Can't they see how unrealistic the new relationship really is?.What does the other person have that I don't?.Why did they do it? How could they do that and still want to be with me and love me?.If you're asking the above questions about a cheating spouse, you may also be asking countless other questions like: ![]() After all, how do you reconcile the unfaithful spouse's behavior when it seems so contradictory to their past? How do you wrap your mind around such foreign, out-of-the-blue behavior? Why men and women cheat may be the most common question we hear. Subscribe to Registration Notifications! Ever Wonder Why? To learn when registration opens back up, click the button below. I found Affair Recovery when I was at the darkest point in my life, and this course has helped me to get myself on a true path to recovery." - S., Alabama | November 2020 Hope for Healing participant. ![]() ![]() "I just finished Hope for Healing and am proud of the changes that I already feel in myself and my marriage. Over the years, this 17-week, small group course has helped thousands of people find hope, set healthy boundaries and move toward extraordinary lives. Hope for Healing Registration Soon! Space Is Limited!ĭesigned specifically for wayward spouses, Hope for Healing is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy.
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